Foreword
For the past few years, I have worked with international students at a local university and watched their journeys up close. I saw their struggles with homesickness, their joy at small wins, and their worry when graduation approached. At ceremonies, I noticed plenty of friends cheering but far fewer parents, siblings, and extended family. Then came the job hunts, the moves to new cities, and the anxious countdown to each H1B lottery. In many conversations, I realized that while immigration and employment were front of mind, other challenges, like cultural understanding and navigating race in America, were not always on their radar. I worried about how these students would transition into workplaces where connection and being understood can shape how you are treated, especially as minorities and immigrants. This piece comes out of those worries, those conversations, and my hope to offer perspective and support.
The Ache of Missing Home as an International Student
When Indian students arrive in the U.S., the ache for home can feel overwhelming. It is not just missing parents. In a collectivist culture, family is part of your daily rhythm with meals, decisions, and conversations. Being away is not just distance, it feels like a hole in belonging. In America, independence is the default, sometimes to the point of loneliness. Parents often expect kids to start “adulting” at 18, even charging rent once you are out of high school. Imagine coming from a world where family ties stay central deep into adulthood and suddenly hearing, “Congrats, now go pay the light bill.”
Why Banding Together Helps and Hurts for Indian Students in the U.S.
Banding together creates comfort and instant community. It gives students people to cook with, laugh with, and lean on when homesickness feels heavy. The group makes festivals feel alive even in an apartment and offers a safe place where language and traditions do not need to be explained. At the same time, relying only on the group can make it harder to learn the unwritten rules of U.S. culture or to build friendships across differences. The downside shows up when circles become insular, leaving students less prepared to navigate classrooms, workplaces, and social spaces outside their community. There is no need to ditch the group, but instead use the comfort of the group as a springboard, not a wall, for exploring America beyond its landmarks and tourist stops. This can mean trying local foods together, visiting cultural centers or museums, attending regional festivals, or even volunteering as a group in the broader community. Every day opportunities count too, grocery shopping in local markets, playing a pickup game, hanging out in coffee shops, and most importantly, talking to others outside your group. Conversation, even small talk, can open doors and build understanding. And yes, even awkward small talk about the weather counts.
Why Does Belonging Feel So Hard in America?
For many Indian students in the U.S., the struggle is not just about grades or visas. It is the heavier question of where, and how, you truly fit. Sometimes it shows up in small moments, like staring at a table of unfamiliar food in the dining hall, not recognizing the music at a party, missing the joke when classmates quote movies or TV shows you have never seen, or being confused by slang and social cues that everyone else seems to know. Other times, it comes in bigger forms: racism and microaggressions, inherited stereotypes, the weight of U.S. history, and the immigration system itself. Each piece, from the daily puzzles of food, media, and language to the larger systemic barriers, adds a layer of pressure that shapes how students move through classrooms, workplaces, and everyday life
Recognizing Racism and Microaggressions in the U.S.
For many Indian students, racism in America does not always look obvious. Sometimes it shows up in small comments or skipped names, the microaggressions that quietly pile up. Many Indian students do not learn the history of race in the U.S., and coming from a more homogeneous culture, the concept itself can feel foreign. It can help to think about how race is and is not similar to the caste system: both involve entrenched hierarchies that shape lives, though caste has been more tied to socio-economic status, while U.S. race relations grow out of centuries of slavery and segregation. Colorism, which also exists in India, is part of the same family of racial oppression, though not precisely the same. In India, it is often tied to ideas of beauty and marriageability, while in the U.S., it connects directly to race and power. Naming it can make the realities of American racism easier to understand.
Indian students may not always notice bias unless it is blatant. A helpful word here is microaggressions. These are subtle comments or behaviors that reveal stereotypes, generalized beliefs about groups of people that oversimplify and erase individuality. They are often carried out by well-meaning people, but that does not lessen their impact. A local student saying “your English is so good” as if they are surprised you are fluent, or a professor skipping over South Asian names but easily pronouncing complex European ones, are common examples. While they may sound like compliments, they add to the feeling of being othered. The APA Monitor has a clear breakdown for those who want to learn more.
Unlearning Anti-Blackness and Global Stereotypes
Some Indian students arrive in the U.S. carrying stereotypes they did not create, especially anti-Black ideas shaped by global media and history. Facing them head-on is part of belonging here. Anti-Blackness shows up in Asia, Europe, Latin America, and even within Black communities themselves, often shaped by colonial histories, global media, and the legacy of slavery. The common thread is a hierarchy that devalues darker skin and associates it with danger or poverty. But this is the same flattening that happens when others stereotype South Asians and other brown or Black people.
Sometimes students are even mistaken for Arabs and treated according to someone else’s prejudice entirely. For example, after events like 9/11, many South Asians, Sikhs, and Muslims were profiled and harassed because they were assumed to be connected to terrorism, regardless of their actual background. And yes, that included people who had never been on a plane before.
Every culture has people who cause harm. Most of the behaviors you fear or dislike are rooted in socio-economic realities like poverty, discrimination, or lack of opportunity, not because whole groups are “just that way.” To understand how inequality is built into daily life in the U.S., look at everyday examples such as being followed in stores, overlooked for group projects or internships, or facing biased assumptions in classrooms. Then zoom out to larger systemic practices like employment discrimination and housing discrimination, which overlaps with but is distinct from redlining. Those issues shaped where people could live, buy homes, and build wealth, and those patterns still affect life today.
How Civil Rights Opened Doors for Immigration
The Civil Rights Movement did not just change America for African Americans. It reshaped immigration too, opening doors that made studying in the U.S. possible for foreign students today.The Civil Rights Movement of the 1960s forced the U.S. to confront openly racist systems, including immigration quotas. That fight helped open doors for students and professionals from India, other South Asians, and many more immigrant groups. Black leaders and communities often spoke out not only for their own rights but for the principle of equality that would eventually expand immigration access. The coalition work that tied civil rights demands to changes in immigration law showed how struggles for Black freedom created openings for others. This overview from the USCCB explains the connection.
The Weight of U.S. History and Culture
For those who have been in the U.S. longer, these realities create tension. It is not because they are Americanized that they react differently, but because they have learned the vigilance needed to move safely here. What feels like harmless joy in one place can be read as disruptive or unsafe in another, especially in a country shaped by gun culture, heavy policing, and a long memory of public violence. Their protectiveness often sounds like criticism, but underneath it is fear—a survival instinct passed down through lived experience and community warnings.
Learning U.S. history is heavy. Slavery, segregation, and racial violence are not easy to sit with. Even more recent events, like protests against police brutality or immigration crackdowns, add weight. After looking into the realities of these atrocities you might feel terrible and wish you had never learned about them, but ignorance only seems like bliss. In reality, it leaves you exposed and unprepared for the challenges you may face. Understanding how these histories shape attitudes toward safety and belonging can give clearer insight into why things feel so different.
Collectivist and individualist values shape this experience in both negative and positive ways. Coming from a collectivist culture means students often feel supported by strong group ties, but it can also make American expectations of independence feel cold or isolating. For example, not having built-in family or community networks may add to stress, while the chance to make independent choices can feel liberating. In the U.S., individualism can foster freedom and personal growth, but it also sometimes leads to loneliness or a sense of being on your own without a safety net. Thinking about these differences helps explain why the U.S. feels so different, and resources like Simply Psychology’s overview of collectivist cultures can give more context.
Graduation and the H1B Visa Stress Nobody Talks About
Graduation brings more than caps, gowns, and job search jitters. For international students, it can feel like everything hinges on two letters and a number: H1B. Even with a job offer, nothing is guaranteed.
How the H1B Lottery Works
Employers must enter the annual H1B lottery to even request the visa. It is not based on GPA, internships, or how hard you hustled. It is a random draw from a capped pool. As of today, employers pay a $215 registration fee to enter, and if your name is picked, they can then file the full petition, which costs $780, or $460 for small nonprofits. On top of that, attorney fees and premium processing can push the total into several thousand dollars. (Boundless, Schiller International University, Maynard Nexsen)
This means you are not just hoping to land a job. You are also hoping your employer is willing to spend the money and that luck is on your side. Companies sometimes hesitate to hire someone if they are unsure about the lottery odds, and they may lose good employees they have already trained.
OPT and STEM OPT: Temporary Lifelines
Until the lottery comes around, most students rely on Optional Practical Training (OPT), which allows 12 months of work tied directly to their field of study. STEM graduates can extend this by 24 months through STEM OPT, but the job must still match their degree, and the employer must be enrolled in E-Verify. (USCIS, DHS Study in the States)
These programs give students time, but the clock is always ticking. If the H1B does not come through, the options narrow quickly.
Why It Feels Impossible
- The odds are against you. Far more people apply than there are available visas, so even the best students may not get selected. (Wikipedia, Immi-USA)
- The costs are real. Employers can end up spending thousands of dollars to file, which shapes their willingness to hire or sponsor international graduates. (ISOA, UpCounsel)
- Losing talent hurts. When someone does not win the lottery, careers stall, families feel the loss, and companies lose valuable employees.
Caring for Yourself and Each Other as International Students
Woo! That was a lot. After all that heavy, distressing, and at times infuriating information, let’s pause for three deep breaths to bring a little peace back to the mind and body. Inhale through the nose for a count of four. Hold for five. Exhale slowly through the mouth over eight. Repeat twice more.
Breathing exercises are powerful for easing the physical effects of stress and anxiety, but they don’t offer a plan for moving forward. So, how do you care for yourself and each other? What follows are not perfect solutions, but practical observations and possibilities. They may feel uncomfortable at first, even a little scary, but with practice, they get easier.
Keep routines that remind you of home
Cooking familiar meals, calling parents, and celebrating festivals is not just nostalgia; it is grounding. Even stringing up dollar-store lights for Diwali in a dorm room counts. And if your neighbor asks why your room smells like turmeric, just hand them a plate. Another bridge worth building is connecting with Indian Americans who have a hand in both worlds; they can share how they balance roots and U.S. culture, offering insights and shortcuts that make the adjustment a little easier.
For Americans, being invited into these traditions is a chance to show respect and learn something new.
Learn the cultural cues around you, even when they are heavy
Knowing the history of race and power dynamics gives you insight and protection. It is like reading the warning label on a bottle; you may not like what it says, but you need to know. And learning the culture is not only about history books; music, movies, TV shows, online videos, and even social media like TikTok can give you a sense of how people talk, joke, and think in everyday life.
For Americans, one of the most caring things you can do is share context with patience: explain the history, the why behind certain norms, and listen in return. Making space for questions without embarrassment helps turn confusion into understanding.
Build community across difference
Join groups beyond your own circle. It can feel awkward at first, but it widens your safety net and exposes you to perspectives you would not encounter otherwise. This can mean joining campus clubs unrelated to your background, volunteering in local organizations, or partnering with classmates on projects instead of sticking only with familiar friends. Even simple social experiences, such as going to a local game, exploring a new neighborhood, or attending a cultural event outside your own tradition, create points of connection.
Americans can help here, too. A simple invite to a study group, a meal, or even a not-so-great movie night can bridge a gap, and those small acts of welcome matter more than they may realize. Nobody ever forgets who offered them their first slice of pizza or explained the rules of baseball.
Give yourself permission to worry, and permission to rest
Visa stress and uncertainty are real. But they do not have to own every waking moment. Writing it down, setting aside a time to worry, journaling, exercising, or practicing breathing can all help. Finding peers or mentors who share similar challenges can make the weight feel lighter, and using campus services can provide another layer of support. Rest is not laziness; it is what allows you to keep going. And yes, binge-watching your favorite show counts as rest.
For Americans, listening without minimizing often matters more than offering solutions. Acknowledging the stress, showing empathy, and sometimes just sitting with a friend without rushing to fix things can make a huge difference.
Practice being culturally multilingual through code switching
The U.S. is not one culture. There is a broad American culture, but inside it are regions with their own rhythms, and within those, racial, ethnic, and national communities. Moving between them is not about stripping away who you are; it is about adding another layer. This is cultural code switching, shifting how you speak, act, or present yourself depending on who you are with. Sometimes it happens naturally, and sometimes it happens under pressure to fit in. It might mean softening your accent or changing your body language between a party and a job interview. It can feel tiring at times, but it is also something minority groups in the U.S. have navigated for generations. Seeing it clearly for what it is can make it easier to recognize and manage. And if you find yourself saying “soccer” instead of “football,” welcome to the club.
Holding Roots and Growing in New Soil
It is possible to hold on to your roots and also grow in new soil. Both matter. Both are ways of belonging. The challenge is to keep honoring where you come from while daring to step into unfamiliar spaces. Think of it less as losing yourself and more as expanding the languages you can speak culturally. Use that mix to connect, whether that means mentoring a newer student, joining campus conversations, or collaborating across cultures in class projects. Advocate for yourself and others when you see bias, and remind people around you that belonging is never one-sided. It is something we build together, in everyday actions and shared experiences. And if you can do all that while still calling your mom three times a day, you are already winning.