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Leader of My Pack

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Over the last few months, I noticed a few people I am down with and a few people who are down with me.  The peculiar thing about this, both said not contain the same people. I have changed how I interact with many people; some do not seem to have noticed.

Some of these people who once held a high place in my life were not surprised about this. I had conversations with them personally.  I didn’t say I am not going to be involved with you anymore.  Instead, I said I am not happy with this relationship, and this is why.  For most of them, this was not the first conversation about our friendship.  However, this was going to be the last one.

There were not going to be any more “This what you can do to fix it.” conversations.  Simply stated, I tried to fix things, but there was not a response. If there was a response to change, it did not occur.  I was at the point of accepting the new parameters of the friendship.  I had finally realized the loss of the place they had in my life. I can’t for anyone to be what they do not want to be. I can’t insist on a certain level of friendship.  What I can do, however, is move away from or “reclassify” things that do not fit me any longer.  I had to be the leader of my pack.

All the pain I was feeling before the conversation was because I was not accepting this as a new status.  I was fighting against the truth of the matter.  In a way, by not opening my eyes to the truth, I was hurting myself. By expressing and acknowledging the new state of things, I could free myself of that grief and move forward.  

Yes, I still “see” them around me, and, in some cases, I love them still.  The difference is, I no longer let them hurt me. I know what to expect from them. I no longer have to depend on them to help nourish my soul or feed my companionship without an invitation from myself first.  

I’ve been learning a lot about limiting and protecting myself from anything and everyone. If it does not enrich my life, then I have no space for it.  The hardest lesson has been learning NOTHING is immune from this process.  This practice is about creating and accepting peace within myself. Setting boundaries can be immensely challenging but equally rewarding.  

I will not beg for love.  I will not beg for attention.  I will not beg for respect.  I will not even ask or demand them.  If my actions and interactions do not lend themselves to receiving those gifts, then the universe has shown that a particular person is not to reside in my life at this time.  I will no longer force it.  I will not take it personally.   

I am the leader of my pack. Each of us can be the leaders of our pack while residing in other packs as well. Each of us can control our circles.  We can control how we allow people to treat us. We can control how people act within our pack. Of course, initial “offenses” will happen, and we can control if we will continue to let ourselves be exposed to them again.

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Tay M.

I’m the Tay behind Tay’s Bi-Polar Kitchen. I started this blog to share my kitchen and mental health wellness journey. I want to show people they are not alone in their struggles, combat the stigma associated with mental disorders, and be open and honest about their mental health. In my opinion, these three issues stand as barriers to seeking treatment. If this website inspires someone to move closer to mental health wellness for themselves or another, my work has been done.

Welcome to my table; I hope you say a while.

"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars." - Kahlil Gibran

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